Judgement Qualifies Us for the Crazy Club: Taking the Vow of Nonjudgement

Would you choose to live in presence today?

First, congratulations if you even dared to click on this link!  Really.  You are truly willing to face yourself if you tackle the issue of pride and judgement (1). 

Lester Levenson pointed out that pride/judgement was the hardest thing for people to see in themselves.  He used to say “Pride is a hide.”  It’s subtle at times because it is the “highest of the negative energies.”  It hid from me for sure.  Some I saw but some I didn’t.  Before I learned of raising one’s consciousness, and even after that, I personally suffered great losses because of it, which led to my vow as explained below.  Ultimately, we decide where our consciousness goes and where it does not go.   As the masters tell us, it’s simple even if it is not always easy.  And it can be done.

Judgements in relationships, whether at work or personal and intimate, are about us.  When we deal with that, we’ll decide to listen rather than judge.  Judges don’t learn about people.  They separate from people.  Then they blame others for the separation of course, because the judgement continues.

Most often when one person is judging in a relationship, the other one is too.  If nothing else, the one who feels more judged, judges him/herself and may judge the other for judging them.  It’s a silly circle.  But it can be stopped.

We all judge ourselves to some extent, because we think it helps in some way to make us better.  We also judge other people because we have the misguided belief that it will make that other person better, when often all it does is engender resentment and separation.  Remember, judges separate.  So when the other person creates separation (pulls away), we should see if we were judging him/her.   We need to look to see if we provided the push out the door or if we created the distance in the bedroom or the boardroom and take responsibility for that.  We need to watch what comes out of our mouths with vigilance.

What if the other person is doing something wrong or unhelpful in the relationship?  Simply communicate about it.  Try being “open and honest.”  What a great recommendation that is for any relationship.  Find out more without judgement though.  It can be done.  Never hold whatever is arising against the other simply by realizing that none of us knows what we are doing in the areas of our life where we are unconscious.  “We know not what we do.”

The bitter irony for the judge in us is that when we judge, WE are being unconscious by judging a quality in the other as bad.  It’s not in fact bad.  It is simply where the other person is at that moment.  Allow for change.  Why compound it with our own unconsciousness of judgement?  Isn’t there enough suffering already?

Who else is going to stop our insanity?  Let’s stop it and go cold turkey – no judgements of even the weather for today.  Start again tomorrow, even if you blow it today.  Write down any judgements that come to you and transcend them then or later.

For every moment we are unconscious, we are all a bit screwed up, nuts, insane.  Take your pick.  I’ve heard it said that “all women are crazy and all men are jerks.”  Being a jerk is crazy too.   And being a judge is crazy as I’ve explained.  So let’s be fair and admit that we’re all a bit crazy until we are not.  If we are at least part human, we make judgements and this alone qualifies us for the “Crazy Club.”  This perspective makes judging ourselves and others truly ludicrous.  Judgment is unconsciousness.

Let’s take note of our own contribution to collective unconsciousness and make a decision to be present without judgement with those we love.

And isn’t it easier to be in faith with the other person and KNOW they have what it takes, whatever is going on in their life?  When we stop dumbing down the lives of others and assuming they cannot help themselves unless we do the helping, we are becoming more conscious.

The truth is that no one needs help from anyone, because ultimately we all stumble upon the truth.  Mommy and Daddy, you do not have to save Jimmy.  Support and nurture and guide Jimmy’s education and development for sure, but drop the judgements.

The judge believes he/she has the ultimate perspective on life.  But the word perspective implies there are other points of view.  Our judgment could be wrong for so many reasons.  Why speculate?  Why not find out about the other person rather than simply sentencing them to our unconscious judgments?  Let’s stop it!

Simply be with the person you are judging by suspending judgement, listening with a strong intention to understand them, and loving them exactly as they are.  Be completely present with them.  In doing so, you will learn not only about the other person, but about yourself.  What you then become is yours to decide.  What he/she becomes is not your business and never was, but your love will beautifully free the other to be what they are, their best self.  Finally, you will be free as well.  Wow, two free people in love!  What a concept!  And yes, it applies to your boss as well as to your lover.

We change by deciding to practice non-judgement in all our relationships rather than practicing judgement.  A relationship’s success depends on two people being free to be what they are.  Join me in the sacred vow of non-judgement.  This is the moment to begin.  It is a vow that is freeing.

See if this resonates, and if so, sit quietly with the thought:

I allow myself to be with each person in my life without judgement, with complete unconditional acceptance and love for who they are in this moment.   I free him/her to be what he/she is.

Would you choose to live in presence today?

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NOTE: This is an excerpt from my book on raising consciousness that will be further edited prior to publication. If you have any feedback, please send me a comment via the “Contact Me” page above. Thank you.


1. Although “judgment” is the preferred spelling in the U.S., “judgement” is the favored spelling in Britain and worldwide (around 4:1 per Google and as this is the worldwide web, I had to make a “judgement.”  ; )

Copyright © 2012 by Universal Ideas, LLC.  All rights reserved.

This entry was posted in forgiveness, judgement, judgment, presence, pride, relationships, Unconditional love and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Judgement Qualifies Us for the Crazy Club: Taking the Vow of Nonjudgement

  1. Michael J. says:

    Wow David,
    As many times as I have heard this conversation , I have been unconscious to it really sinking in.
    You are so wonderful at telling it like it is and helping us all find our true beingness.I will commit to your challenge and ask that you hold me to it.
    I feel more free already
    thank you
    Michael J.

    • Michael, You are welcome. It IS freeing isn’t it? Just the decision to be done with something like this starts the process of melting it all away. Presence is amazingly powerful when we use it by living it. I’ll be happy to point it out in our conversations and on teleconferences of course, but as you know, ultimately we hold ourselves to it or we don’t. So I can best “hold you to it” by asking you this, “Would you accept the majority of the responsibility yourself?” At best, I’m one of your backstops, and others who are part of your world will backstop you as well, but they need you to be the gatekeeper. ; )

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